Love Affairs and Babysitting
by smushly
Summary: Narcissa is distraught when she finds out that her husband is cheating on her. Meanwhile, Snape babysits a mini Draco. Slash! I'm not gonna say who, cuz it'll ruin the story. But you have to be pretty open minded for this. Please review!
1. A Favor from a Friend

Disclaimer: I own nothing! If I did, I would be sitting in a master bathroom taking a bubble bath in a big claw foot tub while writing this. Which I am not. I swear.

Chapter 1.

Severus Snape opened the front door of his manor to see Narcissa Malfoy standing there with her young son, Draco, in her arms. She had mascara running down her face, as though she had been crying. He raised his brow in suspicion.

"Hello, Severus. I need a favor," she said in a slightly shaky voice.

"Would you like to come in?" he said stepping back away from the door.

She nodded. "Thank you."

Snape shut the door behind them and motioned for her to sit down on the couch. She obliged, setting Draco down next to her. He snuggled up close against her hip, and she gave a half smile.

"Would you like some tea? I could have one of the elves—"

"No, that's quite alright, Severus. I won't be here long."

He nodded his understanding and sat across from her in his favorite leather armchair. "What is it I can do for you, then. I wouldn't want to keep you from whatever business it is you have to attend to."

She got right to the point. "I need you to watch Draco this afternoon. It shouldn't be too long, I hope, depending on….no, it shouldn't be too long," she said, a little distractedly. "Maybe until 8:00 at the latest." She looked at Snape with hopeful eyes.

He looked back at her with wide eyes. She knew, of course, that he had never sat for a child before and that he didn't particularly like children, but he looked absolutely terrified at the prospect of watching Draco.

He realized that he was staring, and he shook his head. Clearing his throat, he said, "You know, Narcissa, I would love to sit for Draco, being his godfather and all, but…you see, I have just started this new potion, and I really can't leave it alone—"

"Severus, please. It's just for the afternoon. I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't really important," she said, leaning forward.

"Yes, Narcissa, I realize that. I would love to sit for you, I really would, but my potion, you see….and I wouldn't want young Draco to be harmed in the lab," he said hurriedly, hoping the thought of harm coming to her son would be enough to make her reconsider.

They stared at each other for a moment before she blinked and turned her gaze toward her sleeping son. "Yes, I….I see, Severus. I'll just….I'll try to find…" she said, standing up and carefully removing Draco from the couch. "I'm sorry I bothered you," she said, trying to hold back tears. "I will show myself out."

She was almost to the Apparation point on Severus' drive when he called her name. She turned around to see him standing in the doorway.

"Alright," he said with a sigh. "I will watch him."

She smiled and made her way back up the walk.


	2. Nerves

Disclaimer: This is me getting millions of dollars for my ideas. Not! It's all J.K.'s.

Chapter 2.

"Okay, Severus. This is a list of allergies and this is a list of what he eats and when he eats it. Do not let him tell you any different. Do not allow him too much sugar, he will get very hyperactive, and I'm sure you don't want that. I left a change of clothes in the bag and his jammies are in there too if he gets drowsy. You can just conjur up a small bed for him somewhere, I'm sure. I left some juice boxes in the fridge and there are granola bars in the cupboard if he wants a snack."

Narcissa looked at Snape as if expecting him to say something. Snape just stood there with a look of nervousness etched on his face. How was he supposed to remember all of this?

"Oh! I almost forgot!" she said, bustling around the room again. I color-coded the dosages for the potions he will need on the allergies list in case you should need it. Be very precise about the dosage, Severus, or you could put him into a coma. He is small, so his body doesn't react like an adults," she stated matter-of-factly. Snape just nodded, his mouth hanging open. He was going to end up killing the kid, he just knew it!

"Do you have any questions?" Without waiting for an answer, she continued. "I will be home all day, so if you should need anything, I am only a fireplace away." She walked over to the couch and shook Draco lightly. "Draco, honey. Mommy's going to leave you here with Uncle Severus, okay? I will be back to pick you up later." The little boy nodded and rubbed his eyes as his mom swooped down to hug him.

Narcissa made her way to the door. She turned around and saw Draco sitting with his legs dangling over the edge of the huge couch and Severus standing next to it, watching her leave with terrified eyes and a bag with baby giraffes all over it in his hands.

"Good-bye. Be good for Uncle Severus, okay, sweetie?" she said as she opened the door.

"Okay Mommy."

"Bye Mom—I mean, Narcissa," said Severus shakily.

She smiled, waved, and shut the door behind her.

The two boys sat there for a moment, staring at each other. Then, there was a tug on his robes.

"Holy, shit!" Severus jumped, the bag flying through the air spilling its contents all over the floor. Draco sat on the couch giggling and Snape glared at the house elf at his feet.

"What?" he sneered.

"Does Sir require lunch?" squeaked the elf.

"No," Snape said. "But you _can_ pick up this mess."

The elf bowed.

"And please make sure he doesn't get into too much trouble. I will be in my lab if either of you should need me." Snape turned around and swept out of the room.

A/N: Okay, I know these are really short, but there are going to be about…8 chapters, and it kinda jumps around a lot, hence the length.


	3. Lipstick

Disclaimer: All I own is the dark red lipstick :P

Chapter 3

Lucius Malfoy opened the door to his mansion to find his wife sitting at the end of the long dining room table with her hands folded. He must've done something wrong, because if looks could kill, he'd be six feet under. He gave her a scared half-smile and shut the door behind him.

"Hello, darling," he said, trying to keep the quiver from escaping.

Narcissa said nothing.

"Where's Draco? Usually the little guy is badgering me with questions by this point," he said with a nervous laugh.

"I sent him to Severus' for the day," said Narcissa bluntly.

"Oh. Well, how was your day? Did you go out with the girls since Draco was away?" asked Lucius.

"No."

Lucius sat down on the chair beside his wife. There were a few moments of silence as they stared at each other. Her, with a fierce glare and Lucius with a nervous grimace. Finally, Lucius broke the silence.

"Is there something….wrong…Narcissa?" he asked cautiously.

Narcissa unfolded her hands.

"It's funny you should ask that. You see, I was powdering my nose this morning when I saw Dobby going through the laundry. Do you know what he was holding in his hand, Lucius?"

_Oh, no. I couldn't have been so stupid as to leave it_—

"He was holding a shirt, Lucius. Do you have any idea what was so unique about this shirt, Lucius?"

Here it comes… 

"Lipstick, Lucius. LIPSTICK! There was a dark red lipstick stain on the collar of your shirt! A shade, mind you, that I do not own!"

Lucius gulped as his wife's face got closet to his.

"Do you _DARE_ explain yourself?!"


	4. I'm gonna kill that kid!

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling? Who's that? I own Snape, I tell you! I own him! Okay, no I don't.

Chapter 4

Snape sat at the work table in his lab stirring a new prototype of an invisibility potion that he had yet to perfect when he felt a tug on his robes. He looked down with a grimace at the young Malfoy.

"Sevvus, can I have a cookie?" the little boy asked.

"No." And with that, Severus returned to his work.

"Pleeeeease?" said Draco, squirming. "Daddy _always_ lets me have a cookie when he comes home," he said matter-of-factly.

"I'll think about it. Come back later," Snape sighed.

Draco gave a little hop and a clap. "Okay!" He ran out of the room.

Two minutes later, Snape felt a tug on his robes.

"What now?" he snarled.

"It's later. Can I have a cookie now?" Draco asked with hopeful eyes.

"No! You can not…have…a cookie!" Snape replied impatiently. He stooped down to Draco's level and continued. "This is a very important potion, and if you interrupt me again, you can go work in the kitchen with the house elves!" He stood back up and picked up his trusty stirring rod, ignoring the disappointed little boy.

Draco looked at the ground and walked out of the room when a brilliant idea struck him. He ran to the kitchen as fast as his little legs could carry him.

When he returned to Snape's lab, he arranged his things on the floor and sat down. Snape looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "What are you doing?"

"Cooking! Just like you!" said Draco as he picked up Severus' wand from the table and began stirring an invisible substance in the stainless steel pot he'd gotten from the kitchen.

Snape snatched the wand away. "Not with this you aren't." He then proceeded to hand him a stick that he conjured.

Draco beamed and continued to "cook."

Snape rolled his eyes and went back to his potion. He added a pinch of powdered mandrake root and the potion turned a dull gray. "Almost finished," he said to himself as he started stirring counter-clockwise 24 times.

Draco saw this and made reached for the mandrake root himself. Snape, concentrated on stirring, didn't notice. Draco dumped some in, put the bottle back, and resumed stirring.

"23…24! Now for the last ingredient." Snape took out a vial and added a drop of the crimson liquid inside. The potion turned a brilliant silver color. "Dragon's blood. Now to let it simmer." He turned around to put the vials back in the store cupboard, and Draco followed. Unfortunatly, Snape didn't notice the little boy take a couple Doxy eggs out of the cupboard with him. He sat down by the pot and dumped in the eggs.

_**BOOM!**_

An explosion shook the first floor of the manor. Snape started and ran into the room to see Draco sitting completely still in front of the pot. His eyes were wide and his hair was standing up and charred as if he'd been electrocuted.

"Draco!" he said, running to the little boy. "Are you alright?"

Draco shook his head yes, then a big grin spread across his face. "That was cool! Let's do it again!" he said, jumping up excitedly.

Snape turned red and he shook with anger. "You stupid boy! You can't just play around with potion's ingredients! You could have gotten us both killed!" he screamed.

Draco's lip quivered and he burst into tears. "YOU'RE A MEAN MAN!" he yelled.

_**WHAM! **_

Snape bit his lip and doubled over in pain. The brat kicked him in the crotch! Draco started to run out of the room, stopped, and turned around to stomp on Snape's feet. Snape groaned and Draco ran out.

"I'm gonna kill that kid."


	5. It's

Disclaimer: Me own nothing but scotch!

Lucius gulped. "You see, Cissy…"

His wife glared at him and he started over. "Narcissa, my pride and joy, love of my life-"

"Get on with it."

"Right." He paused, then, "Narcissa, it's not what you think!"

Narcissa put her hands on her hips and continued to glare. "Oh, really? And what do I think, Lucius?"

"Well, surely you think I've been…" he cleared his throat and went on. "…Been cheating on you…which, okay…I guess it could be put that way…"

Narcissa raised arched a delicate eyebrow.

"Well, what I mean is…it's not like I've been fraternizing with your sister-"

"YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH BELLATRIX?!"

"No, Cissy, I just said that I wasn't, you must have misunderstood-"

"MISUNDERSTOOD? I UNDERSTAND PERFECTLY WELL THAT YOU HAVE BEEN…BEDDING ANOTHER WOMAN! POSSIBLY OF MY OWN BLOOD!" Narcissa screeched.

"Narcissa, I would never cheat on you with your sister, she's too ugly-"

"But you will cheat on me!"

"Cissy, really…it's strictly business…"

"Don't 'Cissy' me, Lucius Malfoy!" she shook her head and laughed maniacly. "Strictly business…what are you doing, then? Fucking that new…French TART that just transferred into your office?" she spat.

Lucius shook his head vigorously.

"No? Well, then. Is it that new blond of the Minister's? That secretary…slut! Or…or maybe it's the Minister himself!"

Lucius looked down and whispered, "It's nothing like that, Narcissa. If you'd just let me explain…"

"What, noone at the Ministry? Maybe the schoolboard, then? Or maybe another Death Eater?"

Lucius scratched his arm, looking guilty. "I'll admit…it's not business, Narcissa. It's just something I do to loosen up after meetings…I'm not in love with them…you are my one true love."

"Oh, Merlin. You're trying to soften me up…you're about to say something terrible." She sat down again, slumping her shoulders. "Dobby?" she called.

The little elf appeared with a pop. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Please bring me something…strong…to drink."

Dobby looked between the two. Obviously he knew what was going on. "Yes, ma'am." Another 'pop!' and he was gone.

Seconds later, he reappeared. He handed Narcissa a full bottle of scotch and a glass with ice.

"That is all," she said. Dobby bowed and disappeared.

She picked up the glass and poured it half full with scotch. With the bottle in one hand and the glass in the other, she gestured at Lucius. "Continue," she said, taking a drink from the glass.

Lucius looked apprehensive. "I…you see…It's just…um…I'm just going to come right out and say it, alright?"

"Thank Merlin…" mumbled Narcissa, taking another sip.

"I…you may want to brace yourself," he said.

Narcissa blinked impatiently.

He shook his head in understanding. He twisted his hands together and said quietly, " 'Sthedarlord."

"Excuse me?" said Narcissa, brow raised.

"It's the Dark Lord!" he cried.

She stared at him, then…

"What's the Dark Lord?" she asked.

"My lover!"

"What about your lover now? I thought we were on the subject of the Dark Lord…" she said, confused.

Lucius sighed. "The Dark Lord and my lover are the SAME PERSON!" Lucius said exasperatedly.

It took a few minutes to click. A look of comprehension dawned on her face. Her eyes widened and she threw the glass of scotch over her shoulder and downed the bottle.

TBC

A/N: Okay, I know that took me ages, and I am sooooo sorry! I've been neglecting my writing! ** cower **Don't hurt me!

Anyway, hope you liked it! REVIEW!

…please?


	6. One more time?

Disclaimer: If you are reading this disclaimer, part one of my evil plan to take over the Harry Potter World is complete!! Muahahahahaha!

Lucius stared at his wife for what seemed like an eternity. He was beginning to think that someone had petrified her when she cocked her head up. "Could you…?"

"It's the Dark Lord," he repeated calmly.

She seemed deep in thought when she said, "One more?"

He raised his brow and said slowly, "It is the Dark Lord that I have been sleeping with." Maybe he had driven her to insanity? She looked down again, studying her knees. They stayed like that for a good quarter of an hour before she burst out laughing. Lucius looked bewildered. "What-"

"The Dark Lord wears lipstick!" she shrieked hysterically. Lucius blinked and then smirked a bit. "Yes-yes he does sometimes."

"That is the most horrifying thing I have EVER heard!" she said.

Lucius' grin widened. "Then cover your ears, because he also wore a leather bus tee in our latest…excursion." Narcissa howled with laughter.

A/N: I know, short. But I have a little person talking in my ear and I can't type…so, yeah. You can settle for this, yeah?


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